My evolution into motherhood had a rather bumpy beginning. You see, I did not want to be a mother, at first. My husband and I married with the understanding that we would choose not to have children. Well, eight years later that changed. We decided maybe kids wouldn't be so bad. I had been on birth control pills for almost ten years at that point and all my friends said it would take forever to get pregnant--they were wrong. Six weeks later I had three positive pregnancy tests in my hand that I had taken at work.
Our first child was born in October and by his first birthday I was pregnant again. Yes, you read that correctly. We went from not wanting any children to having two eighteen months apart. That was when they say, "it hit the fan."
Having an eighteen month old and a newborn was hard for me. Mix in some ear infections, reflux, sleep deprivation, and postpartum depression and you have a crazy storm brewing in the house. I simply survived. I, by no means, was thriving in motherhood. I doubted almost every decision I made with my children. I constantly compared myself to every mother I met. When our second born child was diagnosed with food allergies at 18 months old I felt tremendous guilt for not knowing earlier.
In order to fix myself I read almost every book under the sun. I also read the book of Proverbs over and over and over. I needed wisdom and I needed a dump truck load of it. I began using Proverbs as a prayer guide for my children and my marriage.
Often Psalm 139 is quoted when babies are born or printed on pretty pictures for nurseries. I challenge you to read that chapter as a mother:
"For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.
Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well."
God made YOU to be your child's parent. Some of your children are not in your custody. They are in foster care or with other family members. The court has deemed you unfit. But God made YOU to be that child's parent. No pain is wasted in God's economy. There is never a reason not to pray for your children daily. Some of your children might be teenagers. None the less, you pray for them to find Jesus and forgive you of your short comings. If your child is in foster care you pray for those foster parents, they love your children as their own temporarily, they need wisdom just like you.
Above all else, be encouraged that God loves YOU and created YOU! You are HIS.