If you take some time to reflect on Genesis 3:1-13, you can see that satan was not just trying to tempt Eve to go against God. At this point, God had created Adam and Eve and given them everything they needed for a fruitful and joy-filled life together. But satan had other ideas.
The first thing satan went after is our relationship with God.
Then he went after our relationships with each other. He caused us to doubt God's goodness and His command. Adam and Eve didn’t pause to discuss the situation with each other. They didn’t consult with God. It seems that they made a decision in the moment, turned their back on God and did what they thought was best. Then the blame game started. Not only did Adam blame Eve, he also blamed God, and of course, Eve blamed the serpent.
The enemy knows that relationships are primary in life – not the degree of success we have, not our health and fitness, not the amount of beauty we create in the world. Nothing matters more than relationships and the most important relationship is our relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
So why is it that so few people actually pursue a personal relationship with God?
And even when they do, the perception is often that God is out there or up there or anywhere besides right here next to us. Yet the reality is, God is with us. God gave us His Word so we could know Him, learn from Him intimately and draw strength, wisdom, power and love from Him.
I know when things started for me. I grew up the oldest of five children. At the age of 11, my parents divorced. That experience left me feeling insecure and fearful. I made some decisions that I thought would help me protect myself. I decided I would have to take care of myself financially, that I would have to watch out in relationships, and that it would be very difficult to trust men. I’ve spent years working on getting myself back to a deep relationship with God so I can heal from all of the damage those decisions have brought about, including three divorces.
Here are some insights I’ve gained from my own experiences and process of healing on what is necessary for us to have healthy relationships with fewer regrets.
TRUST GOD.
We need to trust that God truly loves us. He is greater than our circumstances and He can work all circumstances out for good. When we trust God with all our hearts we are more likely to turn to Him when we’re struggling … and that’s just what we need to do.
PUT CHRIST FIRST!
We all fall short. None of us is perfect. We've all grown up in situations that have taught us dysfunctional behavior and lead us to develop self-limiting – even self-destructive – beliefs. The moment you make the decision to put God first on a daily basis and make a commitment to seek Him daily and constantly in every decision, I promise you things will begin to change. When you put Christ first, you open up the possibility of understanding the people in your life better.
You will be able to love people more deeply even when they hurt you, just as Jesus did.
You will be able to forgive.
And God will give you wisdom regarding how to respond and strength not to react.
Having a relationship with Christ is necessary before you can know who you are in Christ, or even understand how valuable that is. When we know who we are in Christ, we are much less vulnerable to offense.
BE THANKFUL.
There is always something we can be thankful for. When we complain, we’re not honoring all that God has done for us and in our lives. Complaining cuts us off from God’s blessings. But giving thanks, even in the difficult times, opens the door for God to work. As Ann Voskamp put it in her book One Thousand Gifts, thanksgiving precedes the miracles.
DON’T JUDGE.
The more I judge, the more I separate myself from others, and I open the door for misunderstanding, defensiveness and strife. We need to replace judgment with acceptance and love. You cannot serve or truly love those who you judge. I keep myself from judging by remembering that it could have been me. And I remind myself that each person is a child of the one True King, that God loves you and me as much as he loves Jesus. We are sisters in Christ.
COMMUNICATE WITH LOVE.
My first marriage ended purely because we didn't communicate – yet we thought we did. We didn't have a clue what that needed to look like or how to do it because neither of us had good role models. If there is anger or misunderstanding, there is a breakdown in communication. Most people don’t want to hurt their loved ones, but we all do it – don’t we? When we communicate with love, patience and a desire to understand the other person, there is a much greater likelihood that we can reach understanding and work through difficulties. We certainly can’t if we’re not talking.
The fact is, God created the world and all that’s in it and He said it was good. The Fall happened and sin entered the world and messed everything up. But God had a plan and sent Jesus Christ to redeem us so that we can be in relationship with Him. AND God is going to renew all things – all things that glorify Him – that means your work, your relationships, all created things. And I believe that the more we trust God and work in cooperation with Him now, the more grateful we will be when we see what He does with it in the New Heaven and the New Earth!