Rachel occasionally leads worship for us on the inside. Enjoy this post from her about one of her favorite worship songs.
“I still remember sitting in my white 97 Civic in the dirt parking lot of the church I attended in college. The song was playing and I was crying so hard I couldn’t see my dash board. After years of doing the “right” things and being a “good” person in public, while carrying around secret sin and shame in private, I was at the end of myself. I was exhausted from lying to myself and to everyone around me. I was convinced that Jesus didn’t pay enough for MY shame. This was such arrogant thinking now looking back. I thought I was humble, but really I was prideful, unwilling to admit my incompetence, my incapability, my complete and utter failure to truly be like Jesus Christ. I was unwilling to accept the gift of His blood because I doubted its validity. I wanted to clean myself up and then accept whatever He was offering, but His gift doesn’t work that way.
Satan had planted a lie in my heart, a half-truth really. Every powerful lie contains some measure of truth. The key is twisting it and distorting it until it isn’t truth at all, and the lie is born. The lie I was sold was that I was too evil. I had too much grime and filth inside of me to be completely forgiven and fully made clean. In believing this I began to believe that maybe I misunderstood the gift He was offering. I started to think that I had to do something to earn the gift. I doubted whether He was willing to actually forgive someone like me. I questioned His reasoning for loving and forgiving a person so hypocritical and messed up. It was a vicious cycle. My doubt pushed me into striving and always failing, my failing brought on the guilt, the guilt pushed me into apathy and numbness, which pushed me into more sin, drowning me in shame. And then I heard this song.
“The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation”
I cannot gain salvation. It hit me like a ton of bricks. As simple as it sounds to a person who has been set free by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, I had not yet understood. I believed the half-truth, and my pride was getting in the way of seeing the full picture. Jesus Christ is enough. He is powerful enough, He is pure enough, He is strong enough, and He is WILLING! The message practically screams out of the pages of the Bible I had been reading my whole life, but somehow I had missed it. It took coming to the end of myself in that car alone in a church parking lot to finally get it. It took brokenness and desperation to bring me to a place of humility.
“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.” Romans 5:6 (NLT)
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son.” –Romans 5:8-10
“God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” –Romans 5:20 (NLT)
Everything changed for me that day. I was no longer living under condemnation. I was made right and pure THROUGH Christ. He did it. It is finished. My soul has rested in that truth ever since. All the striving has ceased, but now I am growing in obedience THROUGH his power, not my own! I will never be the same.”
Enjoy this video of Shane & Shane:
If you read this post today and want to put the lies behind you please email us and let us know how we can pray for you today.